The dream sequence begins thusly:

The clock chimes 5:00 and my husband walks into the house as I am just pulling a fine crown roast out of the oven. (That is how you can be certain that it is a dream sequence, by the way.)  “Hi honey! I’m home!”

I look to him with a dazzling smile as the dog brings him his slippers and pipe and ask, “How was your day, darling?”

“Oh!  It was great, but I have to tell you…I’m unexpectedly reporting the purchase of a Ferrari last month.”

Dream shifts to nightmare and we fade to black.

I just want you to know that “unexpected increase in jobless claims,” is by far the least acceptable turn of phrase I have ever heard.  Seriously.  Who are these people and how much are we paying them?  Their JOB is to create an accurate economic forecast, is it not?  I keep harkening back to the Bush Administration. I don’t remember them getting this kind economic reporting wrong.  In fact, if they had, the press would have crucified them – because, please remember, George Bush was an idiot and we’re STILL not allowed to forget THAT for even one 24 hour news cycle…An idiot that could come up with an accurate economic forecast, mind you.  So perhaps he wasn’t so stupid after all. 

Who knew?  Well, I did.  But I digress.
 
(Not stupid, but I still won't be voting for Jeb.  Let's just make that clear.)   

Now, of course, we have a Democratic administration.  These individuals came from lofty and magnificent places like Harvard and Princeton where they ran in brilliant intellectual packs, thinking deep thoughts about the evils of capitalism and longing for socialist utopias while smoking clove cigarettes and drinking Evian outside the student union.  They don’t have to get the numbers right.  And if you were only as smart as they are, you would get that.  But you are a Republican, poor miserable creature.  That means that you can barely count to 10 and you couldn’t understand the economic report if Barack Obama himself came to your house with a pie chart and a slide ruler and tried to explain it to you.

Yeah, you know what?  I’m actually done with that phrase, “unexpected increase in jobless claims.”  From where I am sitting, it looks like the members of the Obama Administration couldn’t rub two brain cells together to make a coherent thought and my best guess is that they should return to their alma maters and ask for a refund – preferably in gold because the dollar is now completely worthless.  It is my suggestion that all these people should be held to a slightly higher standard than what the American Mainstream Media is requiring.  Perhaps they can get their numbers right from now on or they can be fired.  Considering the number of unexpected jobless claims, we ought to be able to fill those positions pretty quickly.

End nightmare sequence and fade to light.